Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
