It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
