goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
where are my eyebrows?
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