Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
