I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
