i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize