I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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