3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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