The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
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