he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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