remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
