This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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