Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Define "chronic" masturbator.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize