Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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