I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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