The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
