it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
