i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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