some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
