Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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