K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We have so much sex to catch up on
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
