and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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