Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
