My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
