i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
