so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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