Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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