Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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