i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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