why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love you. Go after that dick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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