the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
