What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
