Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
