the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I pour the whiskey from now on
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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