I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
