the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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