My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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