I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
