i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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