Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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