That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
