Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
