How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
