The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
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Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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