he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
