The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
