he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
