btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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