I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
