Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You took a bar mat shot.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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