sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
