end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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