I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
