Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
