shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize