Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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