so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
