Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
