wanna go halves on a baby?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
