Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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