babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
