People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
