Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
