Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
