rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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