THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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