his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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