he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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