I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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