I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
