I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
