I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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