I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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