I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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