Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
